by: Ben Siimes
NOTE: Before I even start the actual point of this article,
I would like to point out that this is an opinion piece. That means that it is
based on my opinions and feelings on the topic. If you don’t agree with them,
that is fine. But I don’t want to get angry emails saying “You don’t like
______?! You are the Anti-christ and should be hunted down like a rabid
raccoon.”
Alright, down to business. As a music fan, I enjoy finding
new, creative rock groups to listen to. It’s the only way to expand your
musical horizons; music has to evolve and grow otherwise it gets stagnant and
dies out. Unfortunately, barring a few examples that I will point out later in
this piece, music is at that stagnant stage. Popular music, and by extension a
tenuous categorization of “rock” music, has been broken into 5 main camps, and
all of them have driven real rock farther and farther from what it is meant to
be: country, techno, indie, pseudo-folk, and pop punk. Now there are other
types of music involved here, but these are the biggest components of “rock”
music today, and I am here to tell you that none of it is really rock and roll.
Country:
For decades, country music has been a genre detailing the
lives of the everyday man: blue-collar workers, family men, true red-blooded
Americans. Legends like Johnny Cash, John Denver, and Willie Nelson created the
genre that would eventually be turned into what it is today: drinking songs,
songs about sexy tractors (I still can’t understand that), and thinly veiled
pop songs with a slide acoustic guitar (here’s looking at you, T-Swift). My
deal with modern country is rather simple: every singer sounds exactly the
same, trying to create a Southern drawl that may or may not even be there
(Keith Urban is Australian, people, I want to hear more about his adventures
with koalas and kangaroos). There is no difference between any of the singers, at
least to my ears. Kenny Chesney could just as easily be Jason Aldean or whoever
else is famous nowadays for crooning about how much they drink in their big ol’
pickup truck and how the American flag is the greatest thing since sliced
bread. That lack of uniqueness is something that all of these genres have in
common. When someone finds a formula that works and makes money, everyone and
their brother jump on the bandwagon and flood the market with the same sound.
Give me something new, something that makes me say, “Hey, I’ve never heard
anything like this before,” and you will have made a fan out of me.
Techno:
I understand the appeal of techno, I really do. It’s dance
music, stuff to listen to at a club where you can move to the heavy beats and
just have a good time. My problem begins when it tries to cross over into rock
music. I’m sure I’m going to get hate mail about this next statement, but it
has to be said: any music that can be solely created by a 14 year old with
access to a Mac cannot truly be considered music (keep in mind this is an
opinion article, my beloved readers). Listening to rock and roll for so many
years has given me a greater appreciation for how songs are created, the amount
of work it takes to make an album, and the talent required to play an
instrument. These factors all put something into rock music that cannot be
duplicated by Autotune or GarageBand tracks: it brings the human element into
the music. My favorite example of this is from the Foo Fighters’ most recent
album, Wasting Light. The entire album was created without the use of modern
technology, created quite literally in frontman Dave Grohl’s garage. But the
track that gets me the most is I Should Have Known, a beautiful, heavy song
about those in Grohl’s life that he has lost and the regret he feels for not
being able to help them through the tough times, in this case Grohl’s life long
fried Jimmy Swanson, who died in 2008 of a drug overdose. You can truly hear
how distraught and pained he is in his voice, cracking a little here and there,
almost as though he is choking up just on bringing the topic up. You don’t get
that kind of emotion from dropping the bass and wub-wubbing.
Indie:
This is a tough category to deal with because it is such a
polar entity. Some indie bands are able to break through and prove to be unique
and creative while still being able to rock out (see The Strokes, Tame Impala,
Arctic Monkeys). However, there is the other side of indie rock that just
doesn’t work. Many refer to these bands as the hipster bands. These are the
kind of rock bands that no one has heard of and are trying to be as
artistically different as humanly possible. Sometimes that works and creates
amazing new opportunities for music. Look at the prog movement starting in the
late 60’s and moving through the 70’s. The band Yes formed an entire career on
being weird and creative with driving bass, extended keyboard solos, and
virtuoso skill levels of the band members. But sometimes being weird just isn’t
that creative or workable. Bands start to sound the same in a haze of dizzying
keyboard riffs, indistinguishable guitar use, and overly dubbed vocals.
Pseudo-folk:
Ever heard of Mumford And Sons? The Lumineers? Philip
Phillips? Of course you have, every radio station plays them to death. When
Mumford’s “Babel” hit the shelves, I heard “I Will Wait” maybe 5 times a day on
my local rock stations (WBOS and WAAF).
People are falling over themselves to listen to this new brand of folk
music, lusting after their finely trimmed facial hair, blistering banjo solos,
and unique vocal attributes. They are proclaiming them to be the next
generation of rock and roll, a hopeful light in the never-ending darkness that
is pop music. But I am here to tell you that they are not the hope for rock and
roll; they are not even rock and roll. Don’t believe me? Well then, let’s ask
one of rock’s most prolific stars about this new genre that is forming: Alice
Cooper. The king of shock rock was
interviewed by Fuse on the up and coming Lumineers and Mumford And Sons,
and he pulled no punches. Cooper boldly stated that calling Mumford And Sons a
rock band is an “offence to rock and roll.” If that still isn’t enough for you,
here is some more
unadulterated Alice Cooper:
"I just feel that this
whole generation needs to all eat a steak. Maybe they just need to quit eating
vegetarian food and get out there and get some blood pumping in their system.
Rock 'n' roll is not about 'Happy happy happy, everything's okay. We're The
Lumineers, let's clog dance.' Hey, there's a place for that. If I wanted to see
a great clog dancing band, I'd see The Lumineers."
Burn.
Pop punk:
If you don’t know what pop punk is,
go look up the lineup for Warped Tour this year and then come back. Go ahead,
I’ll wait. Now that you are back, you may notice that the bands that you
perused are often ridiculed and mocked as horrible bands that create terrible
music. Well, the reputation these bands have created for themselves is not
without truth. Pop punk was originally a term used for bands coming up in the
mid 90’s who tried to make punk more palatable for the general masses. Bands
like blink-182, Sum 41, and Good Charlotte created a genre of their own,
categorized by fast, simplistic guitar riffs, angry vocals, and a general
I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude while still being catchy and radio friendly.
But since that golden age of pop
punk, the genre has taken a turn for the worse. It is now filled with what many
would describe as whiny emo-scene kids, wearing all black and skinny jeans from
Hot Topic, singing in high-pitched tones about a girl that they like a lot. The
alternative to this version of pop punk is the “metal” side, where all the same
characterizations are in place but now they try to incorporate screamo into
their poorly written songs. These bands are why rock music is on the downfall.
Every singer sounds exactly the same, every song has the same musical style,
and all of the lyrics are exactly the same. There is nothing “punk” about any
of these bands, who whine rather than rage about the issues in their
lives. It’s not real punk, it’s not real
metal, and it’s just a fad that needs to go away.
I will leave you with this picture in conclusion, summing up
the last 4 or so pages in one sentence. Rock on, my friends.
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