Pamela Des Barres and nearly every other groupie of her time receive a lot of hate for following bands around and “not using their own talent,” “not living their own lives,” “not being creative” in their own ways, etc.
But here’s the thing.
They were.
Some of them did all of that and more. And even if they didn’t, it was their choice.
These women loved, and love, music. They loved it so much that they wanted to be as close to it and its creators as they could get, and if you, the reader, have even one favorite band, or one favorite song, you can understand that. I certainly do. And what’s wrong with it? It’s not so different from, for example, a devout Catholic living their life to be a servant of the Lord. It’s uncommon to see anybody questioning that, wondering why one would dedicate their life to something that can’t be seen, instead of “living for themselves.” But for that person, they’re doing exactly that. They’re doing what they want and what they love. So what’s the difference? After all, music is like a religion of its own. For some people, myself included, it is. In it we find solace and shelter, empowerment and strength, beauty and positive energy. And groupies and muses see those same stars.
In her writing, Miss P makes a number of references to the Virgin Mary and Jesus Christ, both of whom she adores and respects; she likens Jesus to a rock star in his own time, a rock star with groupies. She names Mary Magdalene, perhaps his most loyal follower, in particular. Rock groupies are no different, really, from followers of the Lord. They just worship different deities.
And contrary to popular belief, they cultivated their own interests, too! Many of them were creating, influencing, and inspiring. Miss P is a writer, a journalist, a fashion designer, a teacher, and an ordained minister (she performs rock ‘n roll weddings, which is pretty cool). She’s formed her own band, she’s done some acting, and because of her Los Angeles rock tours, I would even go so far as to call her a historian. Cynthia Plaster Caster is an artist. Some may not call what she does “art,” because it doesn’t necessarily fit the mold (no pun intended) of the art we are accustomed to, but it is art just the same. Cassandra Peterson, best known as Elvira, is an actress, and has worked as a singer and radio personality. Plenty of other ladies who were not necessarily groupies by definition but inspired other musicians and had relationships with them, such as Courtney Love and Marianne Faithfull, among others, are successful singers, musicians, and writers themselves. And the list goes on.
I shouldn’t have to defend these women. They should be able to do all the things they love to do without judgment and without being shamed. That includes being groupies. It’s possible to have both, to be both. To be a muse for someone else and for yourself. To follow bands around and make your own noise, whatever type(s) it may be.
And it’s okay to not do both. It’s okay to love music but not be able to make it. Don’t listen to people who try to denounce your lifestyle by saying, “If you love music so much, why don’t you form your own band?” You are allowed to love music so much that you want to be close to it but don’t feel compelled to do anything else. Don’t let other people set standards for you. Maybe I like waiting backstage after shows. Maybe it makes me feel powerful. Maybe I don’t consider myself an accessory. Maybe my dreams of being a rock star’s friend or muse or girlfriend are just as valid as another girl’s dream of being a rock star herself. Just do what you love.
In all their incarnations, groupies are goddesses.
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