Album of the Week: In Utero

by: Nikki Lomax

I Hate Myself and I Want To Die: A Look Back At In Utero

”Teenage angst has paid off well, now I’m bored and old.” The opening lines of Nirvana’s third and final studio album showcased just how weary Kurt Cobain was of fame. Disillusionment with stardom, the music industry, and even Nirvana’s own fans were prominent themes on In Utero. Twenty years after it’s release, the album is almost haunting when one considers Cobain’s suicide a year later. Nevertheless, it brims with raw power from Dave  Grohl’s drumming and Krist Novoselic’s bass, and delivers poignant and biting lyrics courtesy of Cobain.

In Utero was an album meant to alienate the so called ‘fake fans’ the band had gained with the success of Nevermind. Thus, it was much grittier, and far less polished. Kurt’s songwriting had improved as well, and he had much more material to work with: he was now married to Courtney Love of Hole, and they had a daughter together (Frances Bean, named for doomed actress Frances Farmer. The actress also inspired a song on In Utero). Courtney was quite involved in the songwriting process for the album, either helping Kurt flesh out his lyrics, or merely as an inspiration. Both of these are evident in the song ‘Heart Shaped Box’, which features some of the most breathtaking imagery of any of Kurt’s songs. It was a rather dark love song to Courtney, but beautiful in it’s own way. ‘Pennyroyal Tea’ was another song that was a testament to Kurt’s improved songwriting abilities. Both ‘Heart Shaped Box’ and ‘Pennyroyal Tea’ had been written with more effort than the entirety of Nevermind.

Other songs on the album seemed to be purely to scare off less-than-completely-devoted fans. ‘Radio Friendly Unit Shifter’ sounded less like a song and more like an alien invasion with a drumbeat and Kurt intoning “What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?” ‘Tourette’s’ was in much the same fashion, all guitar feedback and screaming. There was also a song inspired by a serial killer (‘Scentless Apprentice’) and an anti-rape song (‘Rape Me’). All around, the album was far more thematic and nuanced than Nevermind.


Not surprisingly, In Utero has aged well after two decades, and surprisingly has emerged as a fan favorite. Despite the passage of time, the album remains fresh and relevant. An anti-rape song is definitely still needed in a time when womens’ reproductive rights are still being debated, and sexual assault rates for all genders are disturbing. ‘Heart Shaped Box’ has taken it’s place with other cherished love songs, even if it is an odd one. But however new In Utero sounds, it still bears the black cloud of Cobain’s suicide. Songs such as ‘Pennyroyal Tea’ and ‘All Apologies’ sound much darker if one considers Kurt’s possible mindset at the time. But in the end, In Utero is a masterfully crafted album; in the words of Krist Novoselic: “a triumph”.